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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23579956">strike a violent pose</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sausegay/pseuds/idleworship'>idleworship (sausegay)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chaptered, M/M, Uchiha Family Shenanigans, alternative title: obito's wacky adventures, he camps out on his aunt mikotos couch, how long this will be idk, i'm finally getting around to writing an uchiha family fic, just writing for shits and giggles, or wacky cousin obito, sasuke and naruto are in high school, sasuke hates him and wants him gone, wacky cousin obito</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:07:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23579956</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sausegay/pseuds/idleworship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Every day I pray that Kakashi lets me [redacted] his [redacted]." Obito joins his hands together. </p><p>Sasuke stares at the back of his head blankly before adding, "every day I pray that you die."</p><p>or where sasuke's tired of obito camping out on his parent's sofa rent free, so he teams up with naruto to get him kicked out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Uchiha Obito &amp; Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>strike a violent pose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi, so this fic is purely for shits and giggles. it came from a conversation me and leo had together njfdlfjs so this is for him. i've just been really in the mood to write a lot of uchiha family fics, so here's one about sasuke dealing with his wacky cousin obito. idk their actual family relationship in the show, so he's just called wacky cousin obito here. anyways, enjoy!</p><p>title: teenagers by my chemical romance</p><p>also, check the end notes for the artwork for this fic!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kakashi, I swear to fucking god if you don’t move the fuck out the way.” Is the first thing Sasuke hears when he turns the corner into the living room, the room mostly dark save for the glow from the large television against the wall. Rubbing one eye, he watches on the screen as a character in camouflage gets dropped, followed by the words ‘respawn’ flashing on the screen. “You stupid ass piece of shit, Kakashi!” Sasuke cringes at the volume. “I told you to fucking move.” </p><p>It’s silent for a second, then they continue with, “I don’t care. I swear you do this dumb shit on purpose just to piss me off.” </p><p>Walking further into the room, Sasuke stands right behind the couch, staring down at the head of messy and probably greasy black hair. It sticks up oddly in weird places, like the idiot he is. </p><p>“I’m gonna murder your fucking ass when I see you.” Sasuke counts down in his head. “Wait, why’d you stop moving...Is that Gai? The fuck is he doin’?”</p><p>“Awe Kakashi, lame ass, is it past your bedtime?” Holding up the pillow in his hand, he raises it to the air. “No fuckin’ way, bro it’s not 4 in the morning.” </p><p>“Yes it is dickbag,” Sasuke finally interjects himself into the conversation, slamming his pillow down onto the person’s head. </p><p>“What the fuck!” Obito screams, flailing and knocking his headset off in the process as he falls to the floor in a fit. “Nearly gave me a fuckin’ heart attack you lil’ gremlin. The fuck are you doing awake?” Hand placed against his own chest and eyes wide, Obito pants like he ran a mile. When in reality he’s been cementing his fucking ass on thie couch since Sasuke got home from cram school and that was at 5 pm. Yesterday. </p><p>“I’m awake because you’re loud as hell.” Sasuke stares at him blankly. He contemplates throwing the pillow at Obito again, but decides to just lower it onto the couch for now. “It’s four in the fucking morning, I have school in three hours. Do you know what school is?”</p><p>“Yes I know what school is.”</p><p>“With how inconsiderate you are, I’d assume you didn’t.”</p><p>Obito gives a fake laugh at that, raising himself from the couch and grabbing his controller again. He looks at the screen and sees a notification that Kakashi has logged off, so he pauses the game and checks his phone. </p><p>From where Sasuke’s standing, he can see one message that reads: Gai just woke up to go on his run, so I’m gonna go sleep or whatever. </p><p>“Fuckin’ Gai,” Obito grumbles, throwing his phone down on the couch. “It’s always Gai.” </p><p>“Well…” Sasuke begins, just to start drama because he’s cranky about having been woken up. “That is his boyfriend. It only makes sense that he places Gai above his loser friend, especially when said loser friend gets his fucking cheeto dust fingers on my controller and camps out at his aunt’s house rent free.” Obito pauses rubbing his hand over his face, slowly turning his attention to Sasuke. They stare one another down. "Now tell me, what's something beneficial that you bring to the tabe. Quickly?" </p><p>It's clear Obito doesn't have an answer for him, if the way he doesn't fully answer the question is anything to go by. “I’ll have you know you little brat,” Obito points a finger at him. Sasuke stares back at him unimpressed. “You're fucking wrong. I’m a catch. Anybody would be lucky to have me.”</p><p>“I’d pray for anybody who dated you.” Sasuke begins walking to the kitchen, only to pull a disturbed face when Obito follows behind him. “Why are you following me?”</p><p>“I’m hungry and high, also shut the fuck up.” Obito shoves past Sasuke so he can get to the fridge first. Yes he’s petty and racing his little cousin in his own house, but like who cares. Sasuke deserves it. “Because I’ll have you know,” he opens the fridge and ducks his head inside, voice coming out a little distorted, “once Kakashi gets over his little crush or whatever on Gai, he’ll finally come running into my arms and realize how great of a guy I am.”</p><p>“The delusions you live in.” Sasuke crosses his arms over his chest. “Kakashi and Gai have been dating for five years.” </p><p>“So?” Obito emerges from the fridge with a bunch of different things in his hands and a packet of sliced cheese in his mouth. He then proceeds to dumb it all on the counter before continuing, “what does Gai have that I don’t? I bet my dick is bigger.”</p><p>Sasuke ignores his last comment. “Gai has a stable income, owns his own apartment. First off, him having a job puts him ahead of you by miles. Do you remember what a job is?” Sasuke leans forward and blinks knowingly at him. </p><p>“Yes I do and what do you have?” Obito points a butter knife at him, the pointy edges covered in peanut butter he nicked from the cabinet. “Other than a big ass mouth.”</p><p>“I heard that Gai got a raise too,” Sasuke whistles, leaning his shoulder against the wall. He was planning on going to bed after knocking some sense into Obito, but he’s actually kind of having fun messing with him. He doesn’t even care about Kakashi and Gai’s relationship, it’s just fun to piss Obito off. “Meanwhile, when you raise yourself off the couch there’s a permanent mark in the shape of your flat ass.” </p><p>Obito flips him off. “First off, fuck you. Second off, how do you know so much about Gai?”</p><p>“I have my sources.” His sources being Naruto, who listens in on Kakashi’s conversations when Kakashi (and sometimes Gai according to Naruto) come over to his house. But Obito doesn’t need to know that. </p><p>“Well I don't give a damn about your sources.” That said, Obito pours the rest of the chips from the cheeto puffs bag onto his sandwich, which is already piled high with three different types of deli meat, peanut butter and jelly, mustard, mayo, pretzels, slices upon slices of cheese, and who knows what else. Sasuke frowns, being reminded of Naruto suddenly in that moment. </p><p>Obito tries to shoulder check Sasuke on the way out, but Sasuke moves out of the way and trips him instead. Obito gasps in shock as a couple of the chips he had on the side of his sandwich fall onto the floor. “My doritos,” he says solemnly while staring down at them. </p><p>“Wow that’s so sad,” Sasuke fakes sympathy. </p><p>Obito stares at him with narrowed eyes, so Sasuke returns the gesture because two can play at this game. “Can’t wait till you move out.”</p><p>“This is my house,” Sasuke reminds him. </p><p>“Technically not yours. Aunt Mikoto pays the bills here.” </p><p>“And you don’t pay shit. I have more ownership of this place than you do; I actually earn my keep.”</p><p>“By doing what?” Obito asks, bending down to pick up his fallen chips. He fumbles to right his plate, hand shaking and nearly making it slide off the edge, but he catches it somehow, so he considers it a win. </p><p>“Chores. Doing your own laundry, things you’re not familiar with. When’s the last time you washed a dish?” He only asks because unlike his mother who only enables Obito's behavior, Sasuke's tired of doing all the chores for a house of four when really he should be doing only half the chores for a household of three. And while Obito likes to remind him that he'd still be doing chores for four if Itachi was here, Sasuke knows he's wrong because if Itachi was here, he'd actually did his share of the housework. </p><p>So Obito takes a moment to think. “I don’t know, like a couple days ago probably.” </p><p>“You fucking liar.” Sasuke pinches the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “You don’t even know how to wash a dish and you really think someone’s gonna fuck you.” </p><p>“Hey, if Kakashi fucked Gai, I’d say I have a shot.” Obito then makes a ‘pft’ sound, “he’s not even that attractive anyways.”</p><p>“That's what you say, but your current predicament says otherwise."</p><p>Obito squints at him. </p><p>Sasuke shrugs, “what? I mean if Kakashi even thinks about fucking you, clearly faces don’t matter much to him so...also, Gai’s a lot less annoying than you are.” Sasuke doesn’t even know if that’s true, he just hates Obito with every fiber of his being. </p><p>“Gai Gai Gai,” Obito throws his hand in his face, “it’s always about Gai. When is it going to be about me?”</p><p>“When you leave.” <em> Now that would be a bonus, </em>Sasuke thinks to himself as he stalks behind Obito towards the couch. </p><p>“You know,” Obito points a cheeto at him before tossing it in his mouth, “Everyday I think about leaving this wack ass family.”</p><p>“Then do it pussy. Either that or go back to Madara’s.”</p><p>“Can’t,” Obito chomps down really hard, spreading cheese bits everywhere, “he kicked me out again.” A-fucking-gain, Sasuke can’t help but to think in his head. It’s always something with this family. </p><p>No wonder Sasuke hasn’t seen his own dad around lately.</p><p>“What did you do this time?” Obito plops down on the couch, right where he always is. </p><p>“Literally nothing. He’s just being old and paranoid again, thinks someone’s trying to kill him or whatever, but it’s chill I can still sneak in the back window and steal more clothes before he catches me and chases me out with his sandal. Although, last time it was a broom. I think he’s switching it up.”</p><p>“Or maybe just grabbing whatever’s near him,” Sasuke proposes, but Obito completely bulldozes over the comment. </p><p>“He’s so old now, he can’t even keep up when he chases me. I just jump over the fence and dip. Old people are so lame,” Obito drags the last word out before dropping a cherry tomato into his mouth. Sasuke’s vision momentarily goes red, before he visibly calms himself. </p><p>Obito’s always eating his fucking shit. He’s lucky Sasuke doesn’t strangle him in his sleep. </p><p>“Anyways, don’t you have a bedtime to attend to? Run along little one,” Obito says, waving Sasuke off with a flick of his hand. </p><p>“I would be asleep if you didn’t wake me up.” </p><p>“Not my fault you can’t sleep deep, chump.”</p><p>Sasuke stares. He’s starting to feel like that creepy fucking kid with the red hair and weird tattoo on their forehead that goes to the school across town and hangs out with Naruto sometimes, for whatever reason. </p><p>He just can’t help but to stare at Obito though; he brings out these feelings of disappointment and contempt. </p><p>“I⸺”</p><p>“Hey, cuz’, can you hand me that remote before you go?”</p><p>“Tch. Get it yourself, dumbass.”</p><p>“Why you gotta be so fuckin’ stingy?” Obito groans, trying to reach over and grab the remote off the living room table. Next thing Sasuke knows, Obito’s reaching too far⸺Sasuke saw that coming but decided not to comment⸺and falls off the couch face first, knocking his sandwich onto the floor in the process. </p><p>Sasuke can only sigh in response as Obito starts mourning it with his ugly crying. He ends up going back to bed after that. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>artwork done by the amazing the talented the revolutionary leo:<br/>- https://twitter.com/theebastard/status/1243589478578610183?s=20<br/>- https://twitter.com/sausegay/status/1248670374490824706?s=20</p></blockquote></div></div>
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